Shadows

We decided to take a trip to Napa/Sonoma for our 29th anniversary. Kind of a last minute idea, tho' we'd talked about going there for awhile. Since our 28th and Jill's 50th were awfully dark, we figured it was time to give it another go. That's what Visa is for! Some folks want to take their last breath as they spend their last dollar. Me, I want to breathe my last just as the bankruptcy papers are being filed.

We had a very nice time visiting the wine (and champagne!) country, and one day into San Francisco and over to Sausalito by ferry. We checked in at nearly every winery since that's how you get discounted tastings and tours. Makes it look like you had more than you did! And we smiled for pictures!

None of that removes the shadow, though. We hope that one day the shadow lightens.

On our way to SF on the ferry from Vallejo, which was close by so we didn't have to drive, there was a boy about 10 who looked a little like Ben did at that age, explaining something to his dad. He was smart, decisive, and knew something that he had to let his dad know. And I just thought, that was Ben. Just like him. Smart, knew what he was doing, decisive...and I wonder how much of that I shut down in him since I also am decisive and know the right things to do and sometimes don't hear others who disagree with me.

Where did that smart and tender heart go? Why did that young man make such a horribly wrong decision at the end?

We feel so inadequate, so tired, so fragile. We need God so desperately every day. Despite the smiles, there's a shadow underneath.

Thanks for prayers, we still need them, our bucket still leaks. We just need enough to get through today.