The Darkest Hour—Until the King Came

It is the darkest hour, not merely for England, but for the man who literally carries the weight of the world on his shoulders: Winston Churchill. To surrender and negotiate terms of peace and live, or to fight and likely lose and die and sacrifice thousands of innocents? The leaders of parliament and even his own armies are calling out to negotiate. With a tiger, a madman, a tyrant: Adolph Hitler. There is only one man Hitler seems to fear: Winston Churchill. And only Churchill understands that there can be no peace, ever, with a tyrant. Only slavery.

 

Belgium has fallen and France nearly so. 300,000 British soldiers have been surrounded and pushed to Calais and Dunkirk on France’s northern coast where German bombers are finishing the job. There is no hope. Churchill decides to sacrifice 20,000 troops in Calais by having them draw all the enemy fire, while hoping to evacuate the rest at Dunkirk.

 

But the skies remain clear for German bombers. And Calais falls. Only the narrow English channel stands between the Nazis and home. It is over. Negotiation is the only hope of preserving his people.

 

Churchill is utterly alone. His own party is against him, his military leaders have given up, even the King has talked of evacuating the royal family. To Canada. Only his wife remains by his side.

 

 

 

The rest of this scene (which I can't find!) is where everything changes. King George comes to visit him! Churchill asks the king for his thoughts on all of this. And the king responds, “I'd rather hear yours first.” Churchill mutters that he cannot imagine negotiating with a dictator. And the king whispers, “I'm with you.”

The King. Of. England. Has come to Churchill. And whispered his support.

And in that pivotal moment, everything changes. Suddenly, Churchill finds courage to do what he knows is right…

Because the king came and whispered.

 

 

We, too, have a King. The King of Kings. He is so anxious to whisper in our ears. Words of encouragement and compassion and purpose. He hears our cries and longs to speak, if we'll but slow down and be silent long enough to hear Him. What He says can change everything in a moment.

 

The Day I Quit Christianity

I can still remember the day. It was right after another failure, a sin that won me over instead of me winning over it. As I walked the dog afterwards, I looked up to the heavens and said, maybe even out loud, "I'm out. I can't do this. I can't live looking like the good Christian, leading stuff, praying and reading my Bible, but I've got this monster that I can't kill and won't run away. I can't live like this. I'm done. If you want to fix this, you have to, because I can't."

And I'm pretty sure two things happened. One, huge rocks began to screech as they shifted against each other, like great tectonic plates being freed, causing earthquakes everywhere.

And God laughed out loud, probably scaring some angels nearby. He'd been waiting for just this moment.

Somewhere along the way, I'd believed that my spiritual journey depended on me, that God only blesses the obedient, and that if I was truly His, I'd be obedient. Some of that is actually taught in church, and on the radio, and in devotionals and other books. Jesus never taught that. Obedience matters for other reasons, but even that is not dependent on us. It just isn't in us. We really do believe that all of it is dependent on us, and we know, if we're honest, and that we aren't nearly as good as we'd like to be or should be. We know our failure. And we know that God knows. But we don't know how to get better, how to become more obedient. And eventually, we begin to doubt. We look around and see others who seem to be doing much better, who don't swear anymore, or drink as much, whose kids are perfect, and who wear the joy of the Lord all over their faces all the time. And we wonder, "What's wrong with me?" And we conclude that we're not even saved.

So we either try harder, if we're not exhausted yet. Or once exhausted, we give up.

There's some good news: God doesn't want us to live like this, frustrated and full of doubts. Riddle me this: do you want your kids to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that they are loved, accepted, encouraged, protected, cared for, and believed in, no matter what? To the ends of the earth? Yes, that's what we want for our kids. We don't want them laying in bed wondering if one day they'll be cast out of our homes.

How could God possibly want any less for His kids?

He doesn't. And I know that sounds like heresy to many, but before you throw rocks, let's look at Jesus for a moment. What did He do, exactly? He gave up His life, for what? To pay for our sins. His very last words from the cross are: "Tetelestai!" (Literally, It is finished, which is how most Bibles translate it. Or Paid in Full.) It's so important, I put it on my arm!

So what is finished? What is paid for? If you say, our sins...then what are you trying to do every day? Pay a God who has already paid off your account? Are you trying to pay a bill that's already been paid? Doesn't that seem silly? Yet it's how we live our lives, believing somehow that God cannot love the disobedient. Well, in Romans 5, Paul addresses that, too. When did He first love us? When we were enemies. Now that we've become His kids, are we to imagine that He suddenly gets a bit conditional over His love? In other words, is He saying, "If you do this, then I'll do that?" He grabbed us out of our desperation, out of the swamp and darkness and hopelessness, when we had no interest in Him...and chose to love us even then. Now that we're trying to love Him and let Him love us, will he suddenly be aloof or expect payment in return?

When we keep trying to earn something that Jesus already accomplished for us, we completely disregard His work. It's already done. He did what we can't—make us righteous, right before God.

What's happened that past 12 years since that day that I quit, is that God took the job. The very God of Gods, the omniscient, omnipotent, infinite God, who lives IN me, was freed to do in me what I could never do. And suddenly, sin patterns that I could never break, were defeated forever. He did it, not me.

I've talked to many believers who say that the day their lives changed was the day they got tired of trying to be good and just gave up. They couldn't obey God. (Caution to any of you who believe that you do obey God rather well...the sin of self righteousness is even worse, as we walk away from God and count on ourselves to do the dance each day, never knowing just how far from His Righteousness we've fallen.)

So I encourage you: Quit. Just stop trying to earn what's already been given to you. Believe that and receive it until you become convinced of it. And then you'll find freedom and rest as the pressure is off to perform, you're actually free to fail, knowing that He'll receive you back. And victory will be sure because God's the one fighting for you. He already has, and He'll finish the fight He started.

Happy New Year's??

Another new year. So many folks shouting happy happy happy. As I look out the windshield to another new year, I am not filled with anticipation. I hear strange noises and the fuel is nearly gone and my wallet is at home. I freely admit I am anxious and a little afraid, and feeling pretty weak...unable to handle all that will come at me.

You see, I know what life can bring. Or better said, what life can take away from us—the sudden losses out of nowhere that change the course of our lives
forever. I used to feel like Legolas, who could look with steely eyes at whatever faced him, determined that he would prevail. I feel more like Frodo now, with big eyes wondering, "Huh? Me?"

So this morning as I took all this to God, not hiding my weakness or my fears, I heard Him remind me: "In your weakness, I am strong." And "I am in you, and I'm greater than he that is in the world." Finally, "What I've begun in you, I will finish."

So I stand at this fork in the road. As my dear friend and teacher John Lynch says, "but I don't want to choose! I just want to walk this path where I've been walking!" Will I give in to doubt and fear? Or will I walk the walk of faith, trembling each step? That's the choice. And it must be made.

And somewhere off in the distance I hear the cries of the imprisoned, those in the camps surrounded by watchtowers and barbed wire, while the enemy parades around in mocking arrogance, laughing. They are real people inside. Each one desires life and laughter and hope. And I hate that the enemy holds them. I hate that he thinks he's winning.

And so I reach down and put on my belt of truth (the enemy does not win), my breastplate of righteousness (His, not mine!, that says I am enough), my gospel shoes (the real good news, that He's done it, we can rest!), my helmet of salvation (nothing can take this away from me, and nothing fashioned against me can prevail against me), I pick up the shield of faith with trembling hands (believing all that I'm not sure I believe...that He is enough), and the sword of the Spirit...and shout "Freedom! Aye, I will fight!"

All of this said trying to convince myself. As I reread and reread wondering when it will all be true again. I cannot face this new year with Legolas' steely-eyed determination. But I can walk in faith as Frodo, taking another step, believing...and trusting in all those around me who will fight alongside me, who will not give up. And who will not let me give up.

This video sums it up well, and if you've not seen it, take the time to do so: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QeY8lndPsdE .

A Shadow of A Doubt (spoken word) | @whatisjoedoing @chaseGodtv

Filmed at Houston Baptist University in Houston, Texas at…

YOUTUBE.COM

Away From the Manger

My birthday comes up just after Jesus'. It's ok, I don't need a cake or anything. And I'm not as old as Him. But it got me thinking about the day I was born, wondering if any songs got written and who came to visit and what the room looked like?

I was born in a hospital in Indianapolis, between Christmas and New Year's. It was probably cold, there might have been snow on the ground. Birds and squirrels would have been abundant outside. Inside, it probably looked like this:

With my mom in the bed and me either in a crib or another room where they kept babies. The flowers are nice. Probably a few cards were scattered around. My grandparents and uncle would have visited. Certainly a nice upgrade from a stable and feed trough, but not terribly romantic, either. Not enough for songs to be written.

So is there anything weird about all that now?

If you were to send me pictures of my time in the hospital, pictures of me as a baby, and wrote songs about the room and the birds outside, and my visitors bearing who knows what gifts, I'd be a little weirded out.

That's not where I am in the story.

That was decades ago.

So I wonder why we keep Jesus in the manger? That was millennia ago. And it's not where He is in the story, either.

It occurs to me, though, that Jesus is rather safe in the crib. He's not threatening or demanding. He doesn't disrupt our lives or ask us to make any decisions. He's safe. We can ignore Him unless He's crying and just go about our business as if nothing is different. So we sing the same songs over and over and over again. We hang pretty lights and go look at them. We haul trees in from a field or the attic and hang shiny stuff and lights all over them. We decorate our houses and some folks stick antlers on their cars. We buy presents for each other, eat way too much food, especially sugar. We put on the "Merry" mask and act as if all is well inside us and in our worlds. And we can ignore that manger thing we see here and there. It is rather irrelevant, after all.

Oddly, the church goes along. A really insightful message will note that Jesus came to die, so His crucifixion gets included in the memory-making, and we remember that this Christmas thing is important. But it's even more than that. He's still here. Alive. Calling out to us. We sing our songs and put on our plays and decorate our lobbies and stages.

The Jesus who lives today is rather different than that baby, confronting us with questions and offers. He invites us into an adventure with Him, to learn who we are, who He is, how to come to life again and get our hearts and our hopes back. How to remove the "Merry" mask for some real healing. But we have to be willing. We're still free to ignore Him and go about our business, but we'll be haunted sooner or later. The offer of Life, the life we yearn for, is usually too much to ignore forever. Troubles and fears, failures and brokenness, usually have a way of driving us to Him, wondering how He can help. Or the desire for the life we always wanted, with hopes and dreams and successes and loves that last.

What if you bumped into Him at Kohl's as you're buying new shirts?
What if He looked like this:

 

What if He told you that He was here, watching you, waiting for you? What if He told you that He had something special for you? What if He just hugged you?

Forks, Fear, and Faith

Another new year. So many folks shouting happy happy happy. As I look out the windshield to another new year, I am not filled with anticipation. I hear strange noises and the fuel is nearly gone and my wallet is at home. I freely admit I am anxious and a little afraid, and feeling pretty weak...unable to handle all that will come at me.

You see, I know what life can bring. Or better said, what life can take away from us—the sudden losses out of nowhere that change the course of our lives forever. I used to feel like Legolas in The Lord of the Rings, who could look with steely eyes at whatever faced him, determined that he would prevail. I feel more like Frodo now, with big eyes wondering, "Huh? Me?"

So this morning as I took all this to God, not hiding my weakness or my fears, I heard Him remind me: "In your weakness, I am strong." And "I am in you, and I'm greater than he that is in the world." Finally, "What I've begun in you, I will finish."

So I stand at this fork in the road. As my dear friend and teacher John Lynch says, "but I don't want to choose! I just want to walk this path where I've been walking!" Will I give in to doubt and fear? Or will I walk the walk of faith, trembling each step? That's the choice. And it must be made.

And somewhere off in the distance I hear the cries of the imprisoned, those in the camps surrounded by watchtowers and barbed wire, while the enemy parades around in mocking arrogance, laughing. They are real people inside. Each one desires life and laughter and hope. And I hate that the enemy holds them. I hate that he thinks he's winning.

And so I reach down and put on my belt of truth (the enemy does not win), my breastplate of righteousness (His, not mine!, that says I am enough), my gospel shoes (the real good news, that He's done it, we can rest!), my helmet of salvation (nothing can take this away from me, and nothing fashioned against me can prevail against me), I pick up the shield of faith with trembling hands (believing all that I'm not sure I believe...that He is enough), and the sword of the Spirit...and shout "Freedom! Aye, I will fight!"

All of this said trying to convince myself. As I reread and reread wondering when it will all be true again. I cannot face this new year with Legolas' steely-eyed determination. But I can walk in faith as Frodo, taking another step, believing...and trusting in all those around me who will fight alongside me, who will not give up. And who will not let me give up.

This video sums it up well, and if you've not seen it, take the time to do so:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QeY8lndPsdE

 

Red Porsches, Garages, and Grace

A guy you don't know drives past your house in a red Porsche, suddenly stops, turns into your driveway, hands you the key and the title, and walks away, saying "Enjoy".

After the shock wears off, we'd have a lot of questions, "Is it mine?" would be at the top. Followed by, "Is he going to come ask for it back?" "Who's paying the insurance, and gas and all?" "Am I just supposed to hold onto it?" "And just who is that guy anyway?"

And we're not going to get answers. So most of us would just tuck the red Porsche into the garage. The thoughtful would put a cover on it. With a note that says, STAY AWAY! And it sits.

And then it hit me...Christians all have a red Porsche.

Imagine that years later, an old friend drops by and sees something covered up in the garage...and asks about it. We tell him the story. And his first question is, "Wow, what's it like to drive that??" To which we look away and answer, "Well, I've never driven it..." And our friend is out of his mind: "What??!! Why haven't you ever driven it?"

"Well, I wasn't sure I could. What if I wrecked it? What if he comes back for it? And just who is going to pay for the insurance and maintenance on this?"

So many questions, so much confusion. And the sad truth is that it's just sitting, rotting away. It's merely an organized parts bin of stuff we don't even use. It's taking up space. And even, getting to be a pain in the butt...after all, you could put something else there, right? And doesn't this thing kind of mock you in a way since you don't do anything with it?

Meanwhile, you keep jumping into your 1988 Rusty Chevrolet Pickup with the muffler falling off, the radio doesn't work, the tires are balding, and the brakes squeak.

Grace is a lot like that. It confuses us. So we leave it alone. When Jesus cried out, "It is finished!" in John 19:30, He meant it. It's finished. His work, your work, your righteousness...all sin paid for. What we can never achieve on our own, a God who is pleased with us, Jesus achieved for us. God is now well pleased. He loves us.

And we park that. It seems way too good to be true, like someone dropping off a red Porsche. You know there must be strings attached. So we work hard, hoping to please a God who is already pleased.

If we can come to realize that it's ours (either grace or the red Porsche), we'll take it out for a drive. And we'll begin to use it as it was intended. Your Father did not intend for you to live in fear. Quite the contrary, He wants you to live FREE! To take some risks...to love and be loved without strings. It's breathtaking. And almost no one understands it. They keep driving the '88 rusty Chevy, struggling with it constantly, when they don't need to.

There's a red Porsche in your garage. Go pull the cover off, fire it up, and find freedom!

Blankets and Fire

I've discovered that there are blanket days, and fire days.

Tuesday was a blanket day.

Not necessarily the kind where you pull the blanket over your head instead of getting out of bed. (Though that might be nice on those days!)

When we've experienced traumatic events in our lives (you can read about ours in my Sept 2011 and following entries), and even after a lot of healing, we still live with a blanket over us. It suffocates us, closes us off, slows us down, and just muffles life. We can't feel joy like we did before. And when we do, it doesn't last. We're numbed, and not fully present. Life feels very gray or beige. Shadows.

But if we allow it, the trauma also creates fire. We now understand what's important, we scream with delight at the good things and those moments of joy, and at times find ourselves living more fully than ever. As I write, there's the smell of lilacs wafting over the deck and thru the screen door that is intoxicating. We hug, hard! We love deeply, and allow others to love us. We know that life is short and difficult, so a holy fire comes that drives us to make a difference, in the world, ourselves, and others. So at times, we discover that we're more alert and alive than ever.

Until the next blanket day comes.

So we alternate between living with the blanket over our heads and breathing fire from the rooftops. You never know which one is coming. I have discovered that I need to be aware of which one I'm living at the moment, and try to respond accordingly, or even what helps cause it.

Stupid and truly unimportant things can lead to blanket days. Your team loses. Something breaks or doesn't work, like plumbing or your internet. Your spouse does the eye roll thing or says something that cuts deeply, unintentionally. The toast burns. Or the toaster is too slow. It doesn't take much to discourage us. I find on those days that I have to enter in, intentionally. I have to enter into others' lives, and dig into God. Isolation only makes it worse. I've got to get 'out there'.

On the fire days, I just let it burn! (And ask God to keep me from doing or saying something stupid!)

Mostly what I'm trying to learn is that all this just is. There will be blanket days. And fire days. And it's ok.

I Had a Dream...Grace I can understand

This dream is as powerful as to me as Martin Luther King, Jr,'s was to him. It changes things. For me, in my spirit, heart, and head. Some things are just so hard for us to understand...and sometimes, God makes them so clear.

So I dream that I have a meeting with Ed, who I only know thru a mutual friend. He's not a client, but has asked me to do a valuation on his real estate business. I begin to explain the work involved, and it's clear that he is expecting me to do it for free. Again, I explain why I just can't do it for free, and he drops the financial statements down on the desk, and goes to take a call from someone. I look at the statement and see that his profit last year was $617,000! That's a lot!! I've only had a handful of clients who ever earned that kind of money in a year.

When Ed returned, I told him there was a problem: that either he had that much profit and therefore enough resources to pay for a proper valuation, or if he didn't have that much profit, he had an even bigger problem with bad books and needed even more help. He looked away and said, "I didn't really want to tell you the reason I wanted you to review this. The laws have changed, and I need to update my beneficiary information." And then a bombshell: "I want you to take this over."

And I said, "Whoa. Hold on. Don't you have a wife or kids?" And he said, "No, no one. I want you to have it." And I said, "But you barely know me..." And suddenly I was reeling. Why would this man give me his business? A super successful business? He really didn't know me. And I was shaking, and weeping...uncontrollably, at the generosity of this. It made no sense. He had the wrong guy.

And immediately something else hit me: THIS is GRACE!! Oh, my. Why have I not seen it? How did I miss that it's just like this? God (who, truly, I barely knew!) stopped by my table, and said, "You're mine. Son. Rescued. Hope given. New ending to your story." Out of nowhere. And why? Because He wanted to.

As I thought about it later, I thought, "Well, this would be something like some stranger driving by in a red Porsche, stopping in my driveway, leaving it with the keys and title, and walking away.

And yet, this is so much better. And I've grown so used to it. Maybe even feeling at times like I deserve it. It just becomes so common. Like someone who wakes up looking at that scene above everyday, having their coffee out there and going, "Ho hum. Another crappy day of work ahead..." and so wrapped up in their life that they can no longer see the very things in front of them. Now. Here.

May God give me eyes to see it, a heart to receive it. It really is amazing.

A Story Too Good Not to Tell...about Prayer and Boats and God

We'd been set for a final trip out to the Annapolis area where our daughter is stationed in the Navy. She was scheduled to start training in Pensacola, so we needed to grab our granddog for adoption into our own home. The week before the trip, there was a change of plans, orders changed, so we were scrambling. Hotels.com very kindly refunded us the non-cancellable booking for the week! It was the 3rd anniversary of our son, Ben's leaving Earth for Heaven too early, so we wanted to be 'away' as if we're every really away from that.

We found a Groupon for Lake Lawn Lodge for three of the nights, and we do love that place in the summer. They have the best pool around here, overlooking Lake Delavan, and a summer afternoon there is just splendidly beautiful and relaxing. So I searched for other options for a couple more nights, and kept coming up with nothing. Finally, I figured we might as well see if Lake Lawn would give us a couple more nights at the Groupon rate, and they did! So we were booked for most of the week. And then we wondering, "Well, other than eating at our favorite restaurants, what are we going to do all week?"

So I thought: Boat. We're on Lake Delavan, and Lake Geneva is next door. We need a boat.

There were a couple problems, though. My sailboat was still Up Nort, an hour from Green Bay (Go Pack Go!) since it had just been a crazy busy Spring and Summer, so I'd not had time to get it or sail it. And, we don't own another boat. So I searched out rentals to see if that were feasible. Not. Unless you think $400 for a half day is ok. I don't.

A few days later, I kept thinking, we really need a boat. And I thought, I have friends who have boats who won't be using them, surely someone would let me borrow one. But how do you call and ask, "Would you loan me your boat for the week?" It's just not like borrowing a lawn mower, you know? And I thought about all the people I know and stories I'd heard where they need something, pray for it, and Bang, there it is. Right. We usually just go buy what we need instead, right? But buying a boat for a week (though it did occur to me that I could return it....) wasn't in the cards.

And then, I felt something in my spirit that said, "Why don't you ask God for a boat?" And I'm like, right. Really. But for one brief moment in time, I actually believed I could, and so I did, and for one more brief moment in time, I actually believed that God would come through. I know. Crazy. (But He's crazy, too!)

Two hours later, I get home, see my neighbor a couple doors up pulling weeds around his mailbox, and stop the truck to chat. I told him we weren't headed to Annapolis after all, but to Lake Lawn. He'd first introduced us to the place a few years back when they got a Groupon. So he asked if we got a Groupon, and I told him no, and then the story of how we booked it for the same price anyway. And then he said, "Are you taking a boat?" And I about fell out of my truck. First, he knows I don't have a power boat. And he knows my sailboat is still Up Nort. And I said, "No, but I need a boat." And he said, I kid you not: "I can get you a boat..."

And so the next day, we went and got the boat from a friend of his.

So many questions...like, why the boat? Boats don't matter much in the grand scheme of things. Why don't I pray like that for more important things? Well, I do...but do I just say words, or do I believe? And even when I do believe, God often says, "No. Not now," anyway. But for whatever His reasons, this time, He said, "Oh, I've got to do this and blow him away!" And He did. It was crazy, loony, fun, and silly...and just like our God. He reminded me in THIS, that He's hearing all the prayers, knows our hearts, has NOT abandoned us even when we think so, tells me not to believe the enemy's lies, and to never give up. Never. And He reminds me that He really does love surprises, and to delight His beloved.

I just wanted you to know this story. God is good. He proved it with a boat, and drove it deep into my heart at full throttle.

Rescuing Each Others' Hearts

We were privileged to have another! vacation in Maryland visiting our daughter, who's in the Navy. This time, we decided to take a couple days and go out to the shore—Ocean City, MD. What a beautiful place. Definitely one of my favorite beach areas. We got in late on Friday night since she had to work that day, and then spent the whole day Saturday on the beach. In the waves, sitting in the sand, reading books, watching people, just soaking it in. It has been a long time since we'd been able to enjoy such a time as this.

We'd planned to spend Sunday morning there as well, but things just were conspiring against us to keep that from happening...and I was really trying to be ok with it, and just enjoy what we'd had on Saturday. But the truth wouldn't leave me alone. My heart was hurt, in a way that I can't even express though I know how to string words together! I kept waking up early that morning wondering, "Why does disappointment always have to win?" "Why can't the Saturday joy overcome the Sunday disappointment?" And there were no answers, but it was much deeper than about the beach. It was about our lives. It was about our short memories. As Rick Warren said recently, "Why can't I forget the things I don't want to remember, but always remember the things I want to forget?" And that's the story of our lives, it seems. We yearn for just more. There really is never enough. Of anything good.

And I just laid there, sad in my soul, not even crying out to God, just crying out inside...."Why does disappointment win?" Finally, I figured I'd get up and go take a walk on the beach alone, at least, and feel sorry for myself by not inviting anyone else to the party. I'd barely gotten dressed when my wife asked me, "Where are you going?" And I told her to take a walk on the beach. She said, "But I thought we were going to the beach?" I guess I hadn't explained to her that it just wasn't in the cards, we had to check out at an odd time, had a 2-3 hour drive back, and our daughter had a work day on Monday...so I just tried to explain all that quickly, and she could tell that I was really hurt. (I really love my beach!) She said, and I thank God for this: "Well, why can't you and I just go for an hour, and our daughter can get ready and pack up while we're gone, and then we can come back and pack up and clean up?" And I thought, "Huh, that might work..." It was really too good to believe. I had been transported from the depths of despair to the heights of joy and possibility in a moment. She rescued my heart.

So here's the scene:

 

I so thoroughly enjoyed that hour we had...I told her she'd rescued my heart and she didn't even understand, really. We walked the beach, had some laughs with the lifeguards coming on duty, sat and read and I played in the waves. It was awesome.

 

And I began to realize how many times we have an opportunity to rescue someone's heart, and miss it. We don't know their despair, their loneliness, their hopelessness, or that disappointment is winning. Again. We don't know how much a hug, and encouraging word, a meal and some laughter can truly bring light into the darkness. That's grace. Something good that comes from 'out there' that's beyond us, beyond our control. We need to bring grace to others.

 

This time I saw it, I felt it. God brought grace to me, and used my wife to do it. It was powerful.

God in a Lizard?

I took a trip to Florida to visit with my mom, who turns 80 this year. (No, I've no idea how she got so old!) I love the area she's in, full of palm trees, boats, water, rum, and lizards. The little lizards are everywhere and so much fun to watch.

My first morning there, I took a walk out under a long bridge across the IntraCoastal, fascinated by a sandcrab, jellyfish, and a crow that was unafraid. I was waiting a long time for a boat to come under the bridge and as I began to turn away to head back, I heard a splash behind me and saw a dolphin swimming past me. I grabbed a quick video and was just struck at how God had just met me, reassuring me that He was there, and He knew where I was. Odd the thoughts that come to us sometimes. But I just knew.

On my way back to my room, I wandered around an old marina that had closed down, and as I came around one of the abandoned buildings, a rather large and colorful lizard popped out in front of me. He was about a foot long and orange, yellow and black, but I couldn't grab a picture since he wouldn't hold still long enough and he finally escaped into some brush. As I described him later to my mom, sister, and her husband, no one knew what it was, and they seemed perplexed by it. They didn't exactly call me a liar, but I could tell they barely believed me!

I spent the next three days searching for him! Alas, he was nowhere to be found. I saw more jellyfish, but no more dolphins, even the crow was gone. I was determined that he'd be back and I'd find him. I got up early to match the time I first saw him, even retraced my steps to see if he'd pop out like before. On the final morning, I realized it wasn't going to happen. I went back and packed up my room, and was backing out of the parking lot, when all of a sudden, There He Is! He popped up onto a curb and just sat there, as if to say "I'm Here".  Long enough for me to take pictures. And I thought, wow, isn't that funny. Here, I've been looking all this time, and just when I give up, He pops out. He finds me. And isn't that the story of God?

After sending my sister the picture, she immediately sent back a link and said, "Oh, that's the African Rainbow Lizard." And I wondered, "So why didn't anyone believe that I'd seen it?" And I thought, well, that IS the story of God, isn't it? We who do know Him and have 'seen' him aren't usually believed by those inclined to disbelief.

I learned that this lizard isn't native to Florida...but he's here now. Kind of like God. He's not from Earth, but He's here now. And lest you think I'm a bit whacked to think that He came to me in a lizard, the Bible records Him in a bush, as a donkey, in a cloud, and in a whisper. And you know the oddest thing He's come in? Me. Colossians 1:27 from The Message: "The mystery in a nutshell is just this: Christ is in you...". Amazing. Even moreso than He can come in a dolphin or a lizard, He appears in me.

And I'm left to wonder: just how hard do I search for Him? I frankly don't search for Him as hard as I searched for that lizard. And here's the gospel: even when I quit searching, He never stops searching for me. And He lets me 'find Him'. God is so weird, thankfully! And He's colorful!

Above the Clouds

Above the Clouds

Above the clouds
You rule, you reign.
The sun shines bright
The air is clear
Waters run cold and pure
Birds flitter with joy
Above the clouds.

Oh how I yearn
For this fresh air
Blowing thru my soul
Where you rule and reign
Where I am strong
And enemies flee
Above the clouds.



You come for me
In the rippling stream
On wings of cool breeze
In the buzzing of the hummers
You bring my heart to life
You speak to me
Above the clouds.

You remind me of my name
Of who I am
You whisper your love for me
When I can scarcely believe
Yet I so desperately want to.
You give me of what I yearn for
Above the clouds.

Above the clouds
There is clarity
Where I can see forever
Where the sun can warm my heart
Where you alone can fill my lungs
You're the One who restores hope
Above the clouds.
©2014 Jeff Roberts from 9200' Colorado

Walking Broken

There was a life
Joyful, Happy, Unafraid
Hand in hand
Dancing
Singing
Blessed.

Until that day
When the road turned
Hard
Left
Into the Dark
Into Fear.

We never saw it coming
No time to prepare
No map
No light
No hope
We were just There.

Fear arose
Joy fled
Tears came
Step by step
Day by day
Death in us.

Others walked
Heads down
Faces wet
Hope gone
Wails
Pain.

We cried out to You
Help us
Fix this
Don't leave us
Where are You?
Emptiness.

Then we felt Your hand
Heard You whisper
Follow Me
Do You know the way
Of course You know the way
The road of sorrows.

We cannot see
You are our Hope
This trail of brokenness
It is our story
It's all our stories
Living Broken.
©2014 Jeff Roberts

Meeting Our Heroes

Meeting our heroes is always a dicey proposition. I've read and heard many stories of those who met theirs, and walked away very disapointed. "He or she was my hero? Really?" Most of them do not live up to anything resembling hero status. From a distance they can look pretty good, but when we meet them we are usually sorely disappointed.

I met my spiritual hero Saturday. John Lynch, who has given the greatest message ever given (search him on YouTube and it'll pop up as the mis-titled Two Roads. It should be called The Room of Grace). Here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rfy03PEVUhQ

It gives language and hope to a lot of things going on in our hearts and spirits. It even seems way too good to be true, this Original Good News John calls it, True Grace, the True Gospel. And other than Steve Brown of Key Life Ministries, I'd never heard anyone else speak it as John does. So a part of me wonders, IS this too good to be true? Is this just tickling my ears with what I want to hear? And then God leads me to Galatians 3 where I'm told that it's the same faith that keeps saving me that initially saved me. And Romans 4 where the faith of Abraham is held up as our model! He hadn't done anything but believe and was declared forevermore righteous by God. No one else gets to speak a word about that! And Luke 15 where Jesus shows us the heart of a Father whose son rebels and burns up his inheritance...even while Dad knew what the outcome would be. And when he returns home, there's a party instead of a beating. I want a God like that, who loves me no matter what, who is willing to rescue me from the deepest darkness.
John lives up to it, the hero status. Others are now giving voice to the Grace Message, Tullian is perhaps leading a New Reformation, the one that says, it's done, you can rest, you have nothing to bring anyway! His genuinness and transparency and vulnerabilty and invitation to enter in are so un-doing. If Jesus is any less, I'll be sorely disappointed. And I know that John will be equally humiliated and proud of such commentary! For he knows his lack, his inability to live up to such lofty ideals, and at the same time, knows that his butterfly wings are spread wide as he sails in the open sky for Jesus. The real Jesus. The One who loves us, no matter what, and draws us into Him because of that. This is what happens when God restores our Original Glory (2 Cor. 3:18 for the curious). I want to fly like that.

Grace. And Murder.

This is one of the most sickening times I've experienced. I guess that when you minister to felons, ex-felons, and the ones that haven't been caught yet...you should expect something bad to happen. For 25 years of that, though, nothing has. I've seen God's grace change men and women in amazing ways, freeing them from their pasts, their shame, their addictions, and into healing and freedom and wholeness. It's rarely an easy process, and more often than not there are troubles and setbacks and failures still...but over time, when God moves in, He wins! Thankfully!

A year ago I watched such a transformation in a man who I grew close to. He'd come to Wayside broken and empty, had blown up his marriage and family of two young girls, his wife had restraining orders against him...but God moved. In hope against hope, this man's heart changed, his whole demeanor changed, and as crazy as it sounds, his ex-wife actually contacted him! They visited, dated a bit again, and then, unbelievably, were remarried!! It was an awesome thing to see. I was there. There was weeping and shouts of joy and hugs, at all that God had done. We believed again, ourselves, that God could indeed do most anything!

And then a few weeks later, he ran off, using drugs again. His church embraced him and walked thru it with him, his wife received him back again. And then he was gone again. She loved him, but didn't love him high. So she went back downstate where she was from, trying to put the past behind her. My heart broke for her. She'd set aside all her fears and wounds and received him back, and I imagine her family told her she was nuts. I admired her courage and her heart.

The last time I saw him was right after he'd come back to Wayside for a few days before he left again. He was determined to go find her. He said he'd walk if he had to, didn't matter, he wanted her back. I warned him against it. I knew that he'd pushed her past her limits this time. He would not listen. His mind was made up. And I knew that it was not a good idea. I'd sent her a text somewhere along the way to warn her or just share my sorrow with her at how things turned out.

And I never heard from either again.

Until two weeks ago, I got word that wrecked me. He murdered her last summer.

.......*there are no words for this*........

Sickened, sad, broken, wretched, angry, anything on the dark side of the paper I was feeling. I was crushed is perhaps the best word. Crushed. I'm still crushed. I looked up the news story, hoping against hope that it wasn't true, but there it all was. She's dead. Their young daughters orphaned, likely taken in by her family who thought she was nuts and who likely hate him with every passion in them, of course.

And he's locked away forever. He confessed, there is no defense, of course. And he should be locked away forever. But he's still my brother. God still loves him. Even though I'm not quite sure of my love for him. And then God showed my something totally unexpected.

God feels the same way about my sin as I do about my brother's. God is crushed, and sick to His stomache (if He has one) and disbelieving, and sad, and angry. You see, I get so used to my sin. I can rationalize it. I can compare it. And I can live with it. It's no big deal. And God vomits. It's hard for us to ever imagine what our sin looks like to God. Now, I know, at least in part. For this thing my friend did is so wretched, so disgusting, so crushing, my own spirit is a mess even as I write this. And that's how God feels. Wow. It makes me confess and repent immediately.

And here's the most amazing (and challenging) thing. Even as God weeps over my sin, He loves me. He extends grace to me, covers me in His righteousness, forgives me, and embraces me. How does He do that after what I've done? And how can I do that to my brother. The murderer. After what he's done? I have to remember that we are no longer defined by our failure or our sins, but by the One Who Loves Us. Amazing Grace. Truly. I pray that I can extend it as God does.

$100 Million

So imagine you get THE call! "Sorry to inform you that your great uncle-in-law, Harry, died, and has left you $100 million." (And you immediately wonder what's to be sorry about since you never knew about Harry anyway!) $100 Million. US, American, dollars (before tax). Wow. The mind reels doesn't it? What will you do with all that money? What can you do? And here's the thing: whatever you choose to do, Harry isn't asking for it back!

You can blow it in Vegas, which might take two weekends. You could build a garage and fill it with Jay Leno's cars. You could just drive to the airport and pick the next plane, first class, thanks, and never come back. Even charter your own jet. Or heck, just buy one! You could buy a villa on the sea, or maybe a half dozen of them. You could pay off your student loans and still have a little left over. You could invest and never care about the market ups and downs. You could buy a sports team.

You could build a hospital, fund a new charity, feed Sierra Leone, run for President, throw $100 bills all over downtown at those with bongos and "Help" signs trying to get by. You could sponsor 1000 kids through Compassion International. You could rebuild New Orleans. You could pay off Illinois' state debt. You could repave the roads in Chicago after this winter.

And you know what? No one's taking the money back whichever way you choose. If you blow it, it's yours. If you give it away, it's yours. The money has been given to you and nothing will change that. Nothing. No matter how responsible or irresponsible you are, you open the account statements, and there it is, still.

Stop dreaming. Enough of that. Here's what is real: God's grace. What confuses us is that grace is too good to be true, like getting the call about your $100 Mil. So God chooses to love me, rescues me from hopelessness and despair, and in that moment decides I'm His. Forever? He's never going to change His mind and cast me away? No matter what? If I live like an idiot, He loves me. If I love Him back (or not), He loves me. If I slowly begin to let Him grow in me and become all that He desires, He loves me. He doesn't change His mind. His grace is mine.

And just like Uncle Harry's bank account, it's mine to do with as I please. What will I do with that grace? Will I abuse it and waste it? Will it have been given in vain? (2 Cor 6:1 Working together with him, then, we appeal to you not to receive the grace of God in vain. ESV) We can't lose it once we have it. But it can be wasted...and how sad that is. But most of us don't even know that we've received it anyway, or what it means.

This is the best way I can think of to explain our responsibilities in the light of God's grace. We cannot earn more grace! Nothing we do will add to it or diminish it. And that's where the messages we regularly hear confuse us. Sometimes what we hear is: "If you do this, God will bless you." "If you become a really devoted Christian and pray three times a day, read your Bible, and floss...then God will surely love you more and protect you and give you a happy life." That's what we hear. But that's not Biblical. God loves you in the same way that you love your kids. If your kids behave, you love them. If they misbehave, you're not happy, but you love them! If they get arrested, you love them. If they become movie stars, well, wait, that's arrested most of the time, isn't it? If they become doctors, you love them. Your love doesn't change based on how well they live. God's love doesn't change based on how well (or poorly) you live. Ever. Get over it.

But now, you have grace, acceptance, love that won't end, hope and a purpose. And to quote Braveheart: "What will you do with that Freedom?"

It's ours to choose. Let's not waste it.

Feeding the Birds—Galatians 3:11-14

My sister-in-law, Donna, taught me an important lesson a few years back while sitting on her deck at her Wisconsin summer home. She had so many birds coming in to feed! When I asked her about how she got so many, she summed it up, "You've got to feed 'em." I realized that I didn't feed mine very consistently or with much variety, and really didn't pay that much attention to them after I did feed them. After that summer with Donna, my bird world expanded! I put out different foods, started to pay close attention to what birds were coming, even kept a list. I was shocked to discover that by the end of that summer, I had nearly three dozen different varieties of birds coming. Just because I fed them.

I realized last night that people are like that around the gospel of grace. If we feed them, they will come—to the true gospel, the one that says that God did it all and is doing it all, and that you can rest in what He's done and is doing. He doesn't need your help to rescue you!



The "other gospel', which the Apostle Paul says is no gospel at all, since it is not good news, says that yes, God rescued you initially, but after that, it's up to you. You need to obey, rule yourself and beat your flesh into submission, learn to do what is good and learn how to not do what is wrong...and if you persist in this and don't grow weary, you'll be rescued. That makes me tired just to write it, much less try to live it like I used to. We either discover that we just can't do it and give up, or sadly discover that we can have some success at righteousness and begin to move away from God and just keep doing our own thing. Either way, we move away from God, to despair, or to self righteousness.

"For by works of the law no human being will be justified in his sight, since through the law comes knowledge of sin." (Romans 3:20, ESV) and "Now it is evident that no one is justified before God by the law, for “The righteous shall live by faith.” But the law is not of faith, rather “The one who does them shall live by them.” Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us—so that in Christ Jesus the blessing of Abraham might come to us, so that we might receive the promised Spirit through faith." (Galatians 3:11-14, ESV)

What I realized is that sometimes I get too focused on what others are doing and wanting to fight over the birds and how to feed them. All I need to do is to put out the feed, the birds will come. Indeed, what I've discovered is that when you talk about the true gospel of grace, people flock to it. They want to know that they are no longer defined by their failures to perform, but by the One who performs for them. They want to know that their hearts that have become laden with all the to-do lists and have grown weary from 'never enough' and 'try harder' aren't the path to God at all.

They want to know and need to know that God has put the food out for them, and they only need to come and eat. That's the gospel.

We're Known by our Love. Period. John 13:34-35

Jesus says something a bit hard to hear in John 13:34-35: "A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.” (ESV)

It's hard to hear because we know we don't love well, so we immediately shrink back and wonder if there isn't some OTHER way to demonstrate that we're His!


And what are we taught in church? Bible study, good theology, morality, condemnation of wrong-doers, prayer, and how to 'be good'. Some of that is great stuff, of course, but if we major in those things and do not love, as Paul writes in 1 Cor. 13:1....we have missed the mark. Badly. We've merely taken the gospel of grace and turned it into another religion. Another system of knowing and doing the right things so that God will bless us and love us. That is not the gospel. Indeed, the true gospel is that even when we do NOT know the right things and indeed do all the wrong things, God still loves us. Crazy, but true. (There's a book title!) And when you think about it, how do you teach someone to love, anyway? How do I teach you to fall in love? It's the most important thing any of us have to learn, but it can't be taught easily.

So...here's the problem: This is the mark that Jesus uses. Arghhh. Now what?

Interestingly, reading the Bible as I enjoy it...by reading what's NOT there, we discover something. Sometimes we get in such a hurry, and grow so familiar with passages that we just rush by and don't stop to soak. By reading what's NOT in a passage, we can often get a lot of light on what we do see there. So what's NOT in this passage?

By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you know your Bibles.
By this....if you have good theology.
By this....if you are moral.
By this....if you condemn the immoral.
By this....if you elect conservatives.
By this....if you study my Word.
By this....if you pray without ceasing.
By this....if you serve until you're exhausted.
By this....if you don't swear, smoke, drink, or dance except at weddings.
By this....if you tell everyone you meet about me.

It is only: ....if you have love for one another. Jesus' words. Off His lips. Could have said a lot of other things, but picked this.

So what do we do? We need to sit at Jesus' feet and ask Him to teach us to love...both Him and others. And to receive love, both His and others'! We need to major in compassion, listening to others' stories so that we can understand why they're the way they are, and allow our own hearts to be broken over all the brokenness in everyone else.  I've found that that's the easiest way to love: by listening as others tell the stories of their journeys. Once you know someone's story, you really cannot help but love them.

And when we love, when we allow our hearts to be moved by others, we have the heart of Jesus. How smart we are, or how moral, or how loud...these things do not matter.

Simple Faith—Genesis 15:5-6 (Why the Modern Church is Dead Wrong)

There's a  very short little passage that's held up by the Apostle Paul in Romans 4 as the example of faith.

And he brought him outside and said, “Look toward heaven, and number the stars, if you are able to number them.” Then he said to him, “So shall your offspring be.” And he believed the Lord, and he counted it to him as righteousness. (Genesis 15:5-6, ESV)

 

 

As I reflect on this, I'm concluding that nearly everything I've been taught about "Christianity" is just dead wrong. Dead because people are truly dying in shame and condemnation, not knowing that they have been taught men's religion instead of the true gospel of grace. And that their performance ability to somehow 'be good' is not what matters; it's God moving in to make them good that matters.

 

I imagine a conversation between Abraham and modern Church Bob (CB) that might go something like this:

 

Abe: "You're not going to believe this..."

CB: "What?"

Abe: "I was just sitting around last night, and God called me out here, told me to count the stars, and as I began, He interrupted me and told me I'd have that many kids. I said, "OK," and He told me that I was RIGHTEOUS! Just like that."

CB: "Uh huh. Really. (pauses) How do you know it was Him?"

Abe: "Well, He said so."

CB: "Yeah, well, I've heard that before. Do you have any confirmation?"

Abe: "Well, it's kinda early for that, don't you think?"

CB: "Right. Is there anyone else that agrees with you to confirm it?"

Abe: "You're the first one I've told. I haven't even told Sarah...I figure she's gonna laugh at me."

CB: "No kidding. Well, does what He said line up with Scripture?"

Abe: "That hasn't been written yet, you know. Moses hasn't even been born yet. But I am taking notes for later."

CB: "OK. I'm not feeling real good about this. Have you repented of your sins?"

Abe: "Well, apparently, since He declared me righteous."

CB: "Do you even understand what's occurred? We need to sign you up for our Formations class. It starts next Wed. night."

Abe: "I don't know if I'll have time for that. I have a feeling we're moving soon..."

CB: "You don't have time? That's not a good sign. You have to make time. Well, have you prayed about all this?"

Abe: "Not unless you count the "Ok.""

CB: "Have you given anything yet? Or signed up to serve somewhere yet?"

Abe: "Given what? Serving...well, I thought I was serving Him now. I don't understand...."

CB: "Exactly. You don't understand. You don't have the first clue what any of this means, haven't done one thing to demonstrate that any of it's true, haven't forsaken anything, and frankly, I don't even see anything different in you today than I did yesterday except that you didn't offer me coffee this morning. And you expect me to believe you?"

 

And there's our modern dilemma. Well-meaning folks, who want our best and who want God's best, have misunderstood our salvation. We believe that we first get it by faith, but we then believe we better start busting our butts in order to keep it.

 

I think that when God says, You're Righteous, the conversation is over. It doesn't depend on we who are not able, it depends on Him who is able. Now we merely live out who He says we are, with Him in us and walking with us. He'll get us where He's taking us. No matter what. He says so. End of conversation. 

End of a Journal

As I concluded a journal that began on notepads at Bonnie's the Sunday morning after Ben's death a year and eight months and eight days ago, I went back and read the first two weeks' entries. I'd not done that before, knowing that they would be too raw to handle yet, and might just lead me back into darkness and despair. But I'm shocked by a number of things.

I'm shocked at how much I've healed.
I'm shocked at how strong my faith appeared to be.
I'm shocked at how the early lessons I learned remain with me.

Those lessons: God, too, knew our pain. He suffered as well, and His memories of that suffering surely remain even now, even while knowing that Jesus' suffering ended. Pain remains. He also made the trade. He traded His own Son for us. I would have never made that trade, yet He did. That deepens my understanding of the depth of His love for us. He protects us even as we walk through the Valley of Death. He does not keep us from walking through that valley, but He is with us when we do. And He has healed Jill and held us together, and guarded Rachael's heart. And indeed, everything has changed forever.

Thank you for giving us the faith to take the road of trusting you ever more deeply—of not letting the enemy have any victory, of determination to hang onto you and to overcome and to believe in a great ending, to have our eyes now always on Paradise.

We keep fighting.